Quiet That Inner Critic!
Recently, in my interactions with others, I’ve noticed that we can be really hard on ourselves when things don’t go how we expected or, more common these days, there are too many holes to fix all by ourselves. One strategy I like to use when something doesn’t go as well as I had liked is the Self-compassion Break created by professor and researcher Kirstin Neff. It involves some mindfulness (paying attention to how you feel now), connecting with common humanity (knowing you’re not the only one in the world feeling this way), and offering yourself compassion as you would to a good friend.
Practicing Self-Compassion:
Here’s how it goes:
Think of a current challenging situation that didn’t go well. Then imagine you talking to yourself like you would say to a good friend.
Cross your arms or place a hand on your heart (strengthens the mind-body connection)
Then say to yourself something like:
1. This is hard (or this really hurts... is stressful - whatever you feel). Use your own words.
Then say to yourself:
2. Everyone goes through challenges. It is a part of life. (Think of all the people who are struggling just like you.)
Then say to yourself something you might say to a good friend like:
3. May I be ....kind to myself or … be patient or may I accept myself as I am.... whatever you feel you need at the moment. Any comforting thing you might say to a friend in a similar situation is just right!
The Benefits of Being Kind to Yourself:
Practicing self-compassion: improves our well-being, increases the chances of trying new things, reduces fear of failure, helps combat perfectionism and rumination, improves cortisol levels and increase heart rate variability, helps us cope better with chronic pain, reduces the tendency towards anxiety and depression! 😅
Like all the tools for resilience, it’s one to practice regularly and keep on hand in your back pocket!
Try it out, and let me know how it goes!
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