Stop Complaining and Change Your Life
I recently read about Will Bowen, a minister of a small church in the American Midwest, who, in 2006, challenged his congregation to 21 days of no complaining. The idea was that if you want more abundance and prosperity, then you couldn’t get there by complaining about what you already had. If you complained, you started back at day ONE! He took the challenge himself, and it took him 6 months to go 21 days straight without complaining! He states that the average person complains 15-20 times a day. His congregation also noted all kinds of benefits in their lives and their health.
So I thought I would try a shorter version to see just how it worked. I thought it couldn’t be that bad, after all, I’m a fairly positive person. I decided to go 72 hours without a single complaint and recruited my husband to participate as well.
My 72-Hour Experiment
Let's just say that by the afternoon of the first day, I had already complained! Right after the words came out of my mouth, the light bulb in my head went on, and I thought “Wow! I didn’t even make it through a day! Yikes!” My husband didn’t do any better. So we both started back at hour 1 of the 72-hour experiment.
We realized that complaints were not always about someone, sometimes they are negative thoughts about how things are. For example: “Ugh, it's raining again.” But rain is just rain, it’s just our emotions and perceptions that make it negative. I could have just said “Oh, it's raining. I better get my umbrella.” And then went on with my day, without complaints.
We also had to sort out what was a complaint and what was stating a problem that needed fixing. So instead of “why can’t anyone refill the toilet paper roll?”, It would be better to say “The toilet paper is low. Would someone please refill it?”
The “AHA Moment”
As we continued our experiment, we found that most of the conversations we have with others were filled with complaints! Just pay attention to your discussions today, and you will see what I mean. In fact, it was hard to have a conversation without getting caught up in the complaint. It really took effort at the beginning of the experiment.
Is this a typical conversation in your day?
“Hey, How are you?”
“Good but busy. I had a terrible sleep last night (complaint) You?”
“Well, it took me forever to get here. (complaint) There’s so much traffic and construction these days (complaint)”
“Yeah, it so irritating. Well, back to the daily grind. (complaint)”
As you can see, the conversation is filled with complaints!
The Results:
So how long did it take my husband and me to go 72 hours straight without complaining? 1 WEEK! That was certainly an eye-opener. We found that it was very challenging to have a conversation once we were alert to complaints. Things we would regularly say while making friendly conversation were filled with complaints. And it was challenging not to get caught up in and agree with the complaints others added to the discussion.
We also noted that we felt better about each day when we didn’t complain. It seemed that things weren’t so bad after all. When problems arose, we could identify them and ask for solutions instead of harping on the issue. We were laughing a lot more at ourselves as a complaint was about to spew out of our mouth and in mid-sentence we would realize it and try to change course. Somehow we also had more energy that week. Maybe there really is a lot of energy used up in those negative, gloomy conversations!
The December Challenge
This experiment had such an impact on us that we are going to repeat it again over the holidays with our family. It’s amazing how much lighter you feel when you change your conversation and your perception.
I challenge you to try the experiment for 72 hours as well. What better time than the beginning of the holiday season? It will be well worth it! And for more inspiration, check out Will Bowen’s website.